2 Sam. 13: “David’s Son Ammon Rapes His Daughter Tamar,
Then His Other Son Absalom Murders Ammon”
By
1. INTRO:
1.1.
In our last study, we looked at chapter 12
of the book.
1.1.1.
David had
committed adultery with Bathsheba and then because he was not able to cover up
his sin after she became pregnant with his child, David arranged for the murder
of Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah the Hittite.
Then, after a year of David’s thinking that he had successfully covered
up his sin of committing adultery and murder, yet all the while being wracked
with guilt, he eventually confessed his sin to the Lord and repented of it when
Nathan the prophet was sent to rebuke him for his sin.
1.1.2.
We saw in that study that David was forgiven by the
Lord of his sins, however he still would have to experience grave consequences
of his sin. The baby conceived by
Bathsheba would die and the sword would never leave David’s house.
1.1.3.
We saw in that study that grace triumphs over
judgment when a humbled repentant sinner comes to the Lord. The Lord forgave David of his sin.
1.1.4.
We mentioned that though the Lord does forgive our
sins and wash them away through the blood of Jesus when we finally confess and
repent of them, that none-the-less that the Lord has determined that each of us
shall suffer the consequences of our sin, and those consequences can turn out
to be very painful for us.
1.2.
In our study today, we are going to look at chapter
13 of the book.
1.2.1.
In this study, we will see that the natural
consequences of David’s sin begin to occur when his sons begin to imitate the
things that dad has done.
1.2.1.1.
David’s son Ammon rapes David’s daughter Tamar, who
was a half-sister to Ammon.
1.2.1.2.
Next, David’s son, Absalom, who is a full brother to
Tamar and a half brother to Ammon, keeps silent and feigns having forgiven
Ammon for what he has done to Tamar, however all the while plotting to murder
Ammon. Then, finally after two years
Absalom murders his brother Ammon for what he had done to Tamar.
1.2.1.3. Next, Absalom, has to flee
to a foreign territory and hide out from justice for the murder he has
committed.
1.2.1.4.
We will see David doing lots of reaping the
consequences of his sin, both in his character and in the circumstances he
finds himself in, and we will discuss reaping and sowing and how to live for
the Lord in the midst of reaping the past failures you have sown.
1.2.1.5. The apostle Paul wrote for us the following about reaping and sowing in Galatians 6:7-9, “7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. 8 For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. 9 Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.” Note that there are reapings to the flesh as well as reapings to the Spirit, as well as an encouragement to continue doing good.
1.2.1.5.1. Sowing to the flesh is following the old sinful nature with us and fulfilling the lusts of our flesh in disobedience to God’s commandments.
1.2.1.5.2. Sowing to the Spirit is following the leading and unction of the Holy Spirit, walking by faith and in obedience to the Lord.
1.2.1.6. It is important for us as Christians to realize that, “Every single action that we take is a seed that we sow. In time each of those seeds will grow up and reap a certain consequence in our life, either good or bad.” As Christians we must realize the importance of doing everything in our life in such a way that we will reap a harvest of righteousness, one which will bear fruit for the Lord.
1.2.1.7.
Concerning sowing and reaping the great English preacher of a century
and a half ago, Spurgeon, once said, “…what, man does is, of itself, full of a power
which will be to him what the harvest is to the soil; and just what he sows he
will be sure to reap one of these days, or eternity if not in time. If a, man
were to sow his field with garlick and expect, to reap barley, he would be; bitterly
disappointed. If he were to sow tares, he might pray as long as he pleased for
a crop of wheat, but he would not get it. God never so changes his laws as to
make tares come up wheat, and he never will. The sowing always is, and always
will be, the father of the reaping.”
1.2.1.8.
Note in this chapter that we never see David
inquiring of the Lord as to what he should do.
He appears to have wandered away in his heart from the Lord after having
been forgiven by the Lord of his sin of adultery and murder. Perhaps it is just the case though that David
just does not seek the Lord’s resources for his help. In this case, David ends up like those whom
James wrote to when he spoke to them concerning their lack of praying, “You
have not because you ask not,” ( James 4:2 ).
1.2.1.8.1.
In our study, David will pay a huge price for not
inquiring of the Lord before he acts.
2.
VS 13:1-14 - “1
Now it was after this that Absalom the son of David had a beautiful
sister whose name was Tamar, and Amnon the son of David loved her. 2 Amnon
was so frustrated because of his sister Tamar that he made himself ill, for she
was a virgin, and it seemed hard to Amnon to do anything to her. 3 But
Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother;
and Jonadab was a very shrewd man. 4 He said to him, “O son of the
king, why are you so depressed morning after morning? Will you not tell me?”
Then Amnon said to him, “I am in love with Tamar, the sister of my brother
Absalom.” 5 Jonadab then said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend
to be ill; when your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Please let my sister
Tamar come and give me some food to eat, and let her prepare the food in
my sight, that I may see it and eat from her hand.’ ” 6 So
Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill; when the king came to see him, Amnon
said to the king, “Please let my sister Tamar come and make me a couple of
cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.” 7 Then David sent
to the house for Tamar, saying, “Go now to your brother Amnon’s house, and
prepare food for him.” 8 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house,
and he was lying down. And she took dough, kneaded it, made cakes in his
sight, and baked the cakes. 9 She took the pan and dished them out
before him, but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, “Have everyone go out from
me.” So everyone went out from him. 10 Then Amnon said to Tamar,
“Bring the food into the bedroom, that I may eat from your hand.” So Tamar took
the cakes which she had made and brought them into the bedroom to her brother
Amnon. 11 When she brought them to him to eat, he took hold
of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” 12 But she
answered him, “No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done
in
2.1.
Because of how this story follows directly upon
Nathan’s rebuke of David and telling him of the consequences that he (David)
would face now because of his sin of adultery with Bathsheba, and the
subsequent murder of her husband, the Holy Spirit has left us no doubt that
these events have occurred directly as a consequence of David’s sin.
2.2.
David knew from Nathan’s rebuke that the two consequences
of committing his sins was that the sword would never depart from his house and
also that the baby conceived by Bathsheba would die.
2.3.
When we commit sins, there will come a time when the
“chickens will come home to roost,” so to speak. Having made our bed, we are going to have to
sleep in it. What Moses told the people
in Num. 32:22 is true for all of us concerning our own sin, “Be sure and
know for your sin shall find you out.”
Like gravity, sowing and reaping is a law that none can escape.
2.4.
We noted previously how fortunate David was that by
the grace and mercy of God that he had not had to suffer a capital sentence for
murder and adultery, both of which were punishable under the Law of Moses by
death. The consequences of David’s sin however
were going to be grave for him, and it is so much the case that one commentator
mentioned that the Lord didn’t require a capital sentence of David because
simple stoning to death or hanging would not accrue nearly as much suffering as
the consequences which David will now go through for the rest of his days upon
the earth.
2.4.1.
I don’t really agree with this notion though. I think that it is rather the case that when
we as God’s children fall into sin and do things that the Lord has forbidden us
to do that the Lord has planned for all eternity to use that reaping that we
will experience because of that sin as a tool now to work His character into
our life. The Lord is going to work His
character into our lives one way or another through trials He sends our way.
2.4.1.1. Romans 5:3-5 tells us that these trials and tribulations that we experience bring about perseverance and proven ( tested and purified ) character, “3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”
2.4.1.2.
Therefore, God’s grace is seen even in his allowing
or causing us to reap that which we have sown in those times when we have
rebelled and fallen into sin, for they do perform a good work in us. In Jer. 2:19, the Lord tells the people that
He will use their backslidings to correct them, “19 “Your own wickedness will
correct you, And your apostasies will reprove you; Know therefore and see that
it is evil and bitter For you to forsake the Lord
your God, And the dread of Me is not in you,” declares the Lord God of hosts.”
2.5.
Now, the difficulties that David is going to reap in
his life are actually just the “natural consequences” of his actions. David’s sons are going to follow the example
that their dad set when he committed adultery and murder, and the result will
be great and continual grief in the heart of David.
2.5.1.
I remember as a young parent realizing many times
that there were things that I had let slide in my own life which were not
pleasing to the Lord, and yet they really only began to truly bother me when I
began to see them acted out by my son or daughter. My wife would help me out during those times
when I would complain about my son’s or daughter’s behavior by saying something
like, “Gee, I wonder where he got that from?” or “How are you going to tell him not to
do that when you aren’t willing to stop doing it yourself?”
2.5.2.
The greatest pain that many Christians experience is
the grief and anguish of seeing their children following in the very footsteps
that they laid out at a time in their life when they were not following the
Lord, when they were rebelling against God.
They are now powerless to stop what they have set in motion and they are
left only to be able to pray for their son or daughter to come back to the Lord.
2.6.
I see at least four ways in which Ammon’s actions in
raping his half-sister involved David reaping the consequences of his sin :
2.6.1.
Having so many wives and sons, plus being a king and
a busy warrior all of his life, David was an “absent father.” Ammon had grown up without having both the nurturing
and affection of a father nor the discipline that only a father can give. David should never have taken all of these
wives because in doing so he was an absent father and as a result raised sons
who were selfish, self-centered, and were used to getting their own way. Their mother probably had done the best she
could do raising them, but kids ideally need both parents in order to be raised
up to follow and serve the Lord.
2.6.2.
Ammon is just following the actions of his dad. David, acting as king over Israel, used his
power as king to obtain Bathsheba so that he could lay with her, even though he
knew all along that she belonged to another man. In like manner, Ammon forced himself upon his
sister Tamar to lay with her.
2.6.3.
David had used deception in arranging for Joab to
murder Uriah the Hittite, the husband of Bathsheba, and now with the help of
his cousin Jonadab and Jonadab’s suggestion to Ammon, Ammon now uses deception
to lure Tamar to his bed so that he could lay with her.
2.6.4.
One of the consequences of David’s sin is that from
that point on he lacks in discernment concerning other people’s true
intentions. David unwittingly played a
part in Ammon’s plot of seduction, and he did so because he had no discernment
about Ammon’s schemes regarding his sister.
Ammon’s character was well known, and David should have been more
discerning and wise and realized that it might not be good for Tamar to come
over and feed Ammon, who was feigning sickness and requesting pancakes that
Tamar cooked.
2.7.
Now, was Ammon “in love” with Tamar, his
sister? No, he was “in lust” with
her. He loved himself and because young
Tamar was nice looking and probably shapely, he wanted her to fulfill himself
and his lusts. The reasons that we know
it was not true love that Ammon had for Tamar are :
2.7.1.
He forced himself upon her against her will. Love thinks of the other person and what is
best for the other person.
2.7.2.
After laying with her ( sexual intercourse ), he
hated her. She was cheapened in his
eyes, damaged goods no longer being a virgin, and thus he felt that he could
now never marry her.
2.8.
When Ammon triest to seduce her, Tamar initially
says to him that if he will just ask King David for her hand in marriage that
the king would give her to him, however in Leviticus 18:11, we read that in
Israel marriage to one’s brother or sister was forbidden by the Lord in His
Law, “11 ‘The nakedness of your father’s wife’s
daughter, born to your father, she is your sister, you shall not uncover her
nakedness.”
2.9.
David may have accepted this request for Tamar
though since it is believed that in Israel that this law was not always adhered
to in this day, plus Tamar was only a half sister to Ammon. However, Ammon just wanted what pleased him
right at this moment in time, he didn’t want to ask his father and then have to
wait for gratification until he was married.
3.
VS 13:15-18 -
“15 Then Amnon hated her with a very great
hatred; for the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with
which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Get up, go away!” 16 But
she said to him, “No, because this wrong in sending me away is greater than the
other that you have done to me!” Yet he would not listen to her. 17 Then
he called his young man who attended him and said, “Now throw this woman out of
my presence, and lock the door behind her.” 18 Now she had on
a long-sleeved garment; for in this manner the virgin daughters of the king
dressed themselves in robes. Then his attendant took her out and locked the
door behind her.” - Ammon
hated Tamar after he had raped her and he forced her to be thrown out of his
house
3.1.
Here is definitive proof that what Ammon felt for
Tamar was not “love,” but rather “lust.”
After Ammon had raped Tamar he suddenly hated her and didn’t want her to
be around him at all. She wanted him to
now to try to take her to be his wife, however having raped her in this way she
was now greatly cheapened in his eyes.
He had no respect for her now.
3.1.1.
I believe that pre-marital sex of any kind causes a
cheapening of ourselves. Sex outside of
marriage causes a de-humanizing of people.
There are studies out that show that contrary to popular opinion in our
world that living together with someone before marriage actually causes the
marriage to have less of a chance of working out.
3.2.
Tamar was in utter despair feeling that her entire
life now had been ruined by Ammon.
3.2.1.
In
3.2.2.
Plus, if a young woman did marry claiming that she
was a virgin and then it was found out by her husband after the marriage
ceremony that she was not a virgin the man could have her stoned to death
(Deut. 22:21).
4.
VS 13:19-22 -
“19 Tamar put ashes on her head and tore her
long-sleeved garment which was on her; and she put her hand on her head
and went away, crying aloud as she went. 20 Then Absalom her brother
said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now keep silent, my
sister, he is your brother; do not take this matter to heart.” So Tamar
remained and was desolate in her brother Absalom’s house. 21 Now
when King David heard of all these matters, he was very angry. 22 But Absalom did not speak to
Amnon either good or bad; for Absalom hated Amnon because he had violated his
sister Tamar.” - Absalom
meets Tamar and finds out what Ammon has done to her and he tells her to not
say anything to anyone about it
4.1.
Absalom perceives that Tamar has slept with his
brother, Ammon, against her will, and he immediately begins to plot how he will
murder his brother. However, in order to
disguise his plan he just tells Tamar to be quiet about her being raped, and
after this he does not say a word to Ammon, good or bad.
4.2.
Notice here that King David also finds out about the
fact that his son Ammon has raped his daughter Tamar. David becomes angry at Ammon however he does
not discipline his son for having committed this sin that was to be punishable
by death under the Law of Moses.
4.3.
Because David did not punish his son Ammon for this
crime of rape, he ends up becoming a party to Absalom’s murder of Ammon.
4.3.1.
Not disciplining Ammon will cause David to reap
further consequences of his sin.
4.4.
But, why did David not discipline his son Ammon for
committing this horrible crime?
4.4.1.
David had excused his own sin regarding his taking
advantage of Bathsheba thus in the same fashion he excused the sin of his son.
4.4.2.
It is easier to excuse someone else who has
committed a horrible act if you have done the same type of things
yourself. Because of David’s committing
of adultery and murder he is no longer able to function effectively either as
King over
4.4.3.
David was an indulgent father, this was a personal
weakness of his. David hadn’t learned
from the mistakes of others before him :
4.4.3.1.
Ely the high
priest who had not judged his two sons after they were guilty of bribing the
people and laying with the women that came to the altar.
4.4.3.2.
Samuel had also not disciplined his sons as he
should have done and they were very corrupt and made
4.5.
We as parents and even leaders in the church must
learn from David’s failure here that even though we may have sinned ourselves
in the past in certain areas, that we still must be objective and discipline
those under our authority who should fall into those same sins. Certainly, if we ourselves have been in that
same position we will have compassion upon a wayward son, daughter, or
parishioner, however we must not refuse to discipline those who sin in the same
ways in which we have sinned.
5.
VS 13:23-29 -
“23 Now it came about after two full years
that Absalom had sheepshearers in Baal-hazor, which is near Ephraim, and
Absalom invited all the king’s sons. 24 Absalom came to the king and
said, “Behold now, your servant has sheepshearers; please let the king and his
servants go with your servant.” 25 But the king said to Absalom,
“No, my son, we should not all go, for we will be burdensome to you.” Although
he urged him, he would not go, but blessed him. 26 Then Absalom
said, “If not, please let my brother Amnon go with us.” And the king said to
him, “Why should he go with you?” 27 But when Absalom urged him, he
let Amnon and all the king’s sons go with him. 28 Absalom commanded
his servants, saying, “See now, when Amnon’s heart is merry with wine, and when
I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon,’ then put him to death. Do not fear; have not I
myself commanded you? Be courageous and be valiant.” 29 The servants
of Absalom did to Amnon just as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king’s sons
arose and each mounted his mule and fled.” - Absalom carries out the murder of his brother
Ammon
5.1.
Absalom had not spoken a word to Ammon, either good
or bad, nor had he spoken evil to others about Ammon for the two years since
Ammon had raped his sister Tamar.
Therefore, Absalom thought that now he could successfully execute his
plan to murder his brother, and he pulled it off.
5.2.
Another consequence of David’s sin is seen here in
that just as David used trickery and scheming to arrange the murder of Uriah
the Hittite, the husband of Bathsheba, so now Absalom uses trickery to carry
out the murder of his brother Ammon.
5.3.
In
5.4.
David now becomes a party to the murder of Ammon by
allowing Ammon to go to Baal-hazer to Absalom for a sheapshearing. Absalom strongly urges David to allow Ammon
to come with the rest of his brothers to this sheapshearing, and though David
was initially suspicious that something might be up he eventually gives in and
allows Ammon to go to Absalom for this get together.
5.5.
There is yet another consequence of David’s sin here
in that David lacks discernment and allows Ammon to go to Absalom for a
sheepshearing.
5.6.
Also, if David had just inquired to the Lord about whether
or not Ammon should go to Absalom, the Lord would have told him that Ammon
should not go.
6.
VS 13:30-33 -
“30 Now it was while they were on the way that
the report came to David, saying, “Absalom has struck down all the king’s sons,
and not one of them is left.” 31 Then the king arose, tore his
clothes and lay on the ground; and all his servants were standing by with
clothes torn. 32 Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother,
responded, “Do not let my lord suppose they have put to death all the young
men, the king’s sons, for Amnon alone is dead; because by the intent of Absalom
this has been determined since the day that he violated his sister Tamar. 33
“Now therefore, do not let my lord the king take the report to heart,
namely, ‘all the king’s sons are dead,’ for only Amnon is dead.”” - King David initially receives word that
Absalom has struck down all of the king’s sons, then he is finally told that
only his son Ammon is dead
6.1.
A false report can really devastate a person. David was originally told that all of his
sons were dead, and this was almost too much grief for him to bear.
6.1.1.
When you give someone news, especially very
disturbing and bad news, it is important to get the facts straight but also to
be sensitive to the one whom you are giving the news to, in other words be
careful “how you tell them.” Be
compassionate.
6.2.
Jonadab gets the story straight for David, only
Ammon has been killed. However, we see
also here that Jonadab had been walking around with the knowledge that Absalom
had been planning the death of Ammon for a long time.
6.3.
I’m sure that King David was not at all happy right
at this moment with Jonadab for not informing him of Absalom’s intent to kill
his brother. Jonadab may even have
feared for his life for not having told King David of Absalom’s intent.
7.
VS 13:34-36 -
“34 Now Absalom had fled. And the young man
who was the watchman raised his eyes and looked, and behold, many people were
coming from the road behind him by the side of the mountain. 35 Jonadab
said to the king, “Behold, the king’s sons have come; according to your
servant’s word, so it happened.” 36 As soon as he had finished
speaking, behold, the king’s sons came and lifted their voices and wept; and
also the king and all his servants wept very bitterly.” - David’s sons return from Absalom and then
David, all of David’s servants, and David’s surviving sons weep over the death
of Ammon
8.
VS 13:37-39 -
“37 Now Absalom fled and went to Talmai the
son of Ammihud, the king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son every
day. 38 So Absalom had fled and gone to Geshur, and was there three
years. 39 The heart of King David longed to go out to
Absalom; for he was comforted concerning Amnon, since he was dead.” - Absalom flees to Talmai, the king of Geshur
and David mourns for his son
8.1.
There is seen in these verses a consequence of
David’s sin in multiplying wives to himself.
In 2 Sam. 3:1-5, we read about the sons of David and who among his harem
they were born to and we discovered then that Absalom, the son that will be
such a thorn in David's side when he tries to take away the kingdom from his
father, was born from a wife taken by David named Maacah, the daughter of
Talmai, King of Geshur. She was a wife taken in an attempt at making a
political alliance with one of the enemies of
8.2.
Now, we see that Absalom has fled to the home and
people of his mother, to Geshur. There,
he knows that he will be safe from the blood avenger for his brother’s murder.
8.3.
As we consider now this man Absalom, though we know
from the scriptures that he was very handsome and perhaps charismatic, there
really is nothing that we can see that is redeeming about his character. Arthur Pink calls him, “one of the most
despicable, vile and God-abandoned characters whose record is chronicled in the
Scritpures.” We will see in the next
chapter how that Absalom creates an insurrection to take the throne away from
his father, and in doing so produces for David his greatest grief.
8.4.
But, David loved Absalom greatly. Both Absalom and his sister Tamar were very
attractive people, and I just wonder if all along David had in mind handing his
kingdom over not to Ammon, the eldest son who in Israelite culture would
normally receive the inheritance, but to Absalom. Now, David knows that Absalom cannot
legitimately be made king over
8.5.
David longed for Absalom however. After awhile David got over the grieving for
his dead son, Ammon, and now he wanted to be reunited with his son
Absalom. We will look at what develops
about this in our next study.
9.
CONCLUSIONS:
9.1.
As we look at the huge consequences that David had
to pay for his sin of committing adultery and murder, each of us ought to learn
to flee any potential temptation to fall into sin. We should never want to have to suffer the
heartache and grief that David experienced the rest of his life after his
affair with Bathsheba.
9.2.
It is so important to flee from those temptations that
we experience and not play around with them.
Those who play with fire always eventually end up being burned, and lust
is a fire that we cannot control or quench in our own strength.
9.3.
If we find ourselves reaping one thing after another
that we have sown walking in the flesh in disobedience to God, to get out of
that cycle we’ve simply got to repent of our sins and re-submit our lives to
the Lord and put Him back upon the throne of our life. Only then will the process begin to reverse
and we will begin in time to reap good things for our actions.
9.4.
We as God’s people need to learn from David’s
failures and deal with the situations in our life as best as we can, even as we
are reaping the consequences from our past sin.
9.4.1.
David didn’t inquire of the Lord concerning the
decisions he made and suffered greatly as a result ( no discernment ). Learn to pray about everything before acting,
every single decision.
9.4.2.
David didn’t continue to discipline his kids,
especially when they committed the same sins he had committed. Learn to be consistent in disciplining your
children. You don’t have to be harsh in
discipline, just consistent in correcting their behavior.
9.4.3.
David was an indulgent and thus an ineffective
father. Realize that God placed you as a
parent to raise up your children to walk in obedience to the Lord. It is true that if you, “spare the rod you
will spoil the child.”