1 CORINTHIANS CHAPTER 7:1-16:
“Instructions On Marriage & Divorce, No1”
By
1.
INTRO:
1.1.
In our last study we looked at how Paul continued his theme from the
first half of the chapter and talked about how that we as Christians are not
under the law and a huge list of do’s and don’ts, but rather being newly
regenerated creatures under the grace of God we are to seek to do those things
in our lives which will glorify God and enable us to be the best witnesses and
examples we can be as Christians
1.2.
In our study today, we are going to begin to look at the answers which
Paul gave to the Corinthians for the questions that they had written to him
about concerning marriage, divorce, re-marriage, family, etc.
1.2.1. We need to realize
concerning the church in Corinth, that it was really a messed up group. The culture in which the church existed was
so polluted that there were many things which most Christians would struggle
with for years after coming to know Christ.
1.2.1.1.There was the Acropolis
which was above Corinth, and it had the Temple to Aphrodite in it. Every evening 1,000 prostitutes would come
down into town and earn their living, the proceeds of which supported the
temple
1.2.1.2.Because of the loose morals
in the city, some in the church had probably been married as many times as 20
1.2.1.3.There was immorality in the
lives of some of the people in the church, as the people were from a society
that was very loose morally and tolerated most forms of lasciviousness
1.2.1.4.Many of the people in the
church had become believers and yet were still married to an unbelieving spouse
1.2.1.5.There were people of various
extremes in the church
1.2.1.6.The Greek philosophy had
corrupted the church because of it’s belief that a person’s body was just
totally evil and sinful. This was the
teaching of the Gnostics. This teaching
produced two extremes:
1.2.1.6.1.Some believed that since
your body was totally sinful that there was no hope for a person to be holy,
and thus you could commit any sin that you wanted to commit and it was
perfectly acceptable
1.2.1.6.2.Others believed that a
person must separate themselves completely from any kind of bodily pleasure and
even from society itself, as much as you can.
This teaching led to asceticism in the church, people wanting to be
cloistered away from all civilization
1.2.1.6.2.1.In the church, these people
were advocating that a husband and wife should have no sexual relations since
the body was so inherently sinful
1.2.1.6.2.2.There have been Christian
groups throughout the ages who have advocated abstaining from sexual relations
with your spouse, and some who have said that you should only have them to
conceive children, however we see in this chapter that Paul teaches us that a
spouse is to provide sexual fulfillment to his or her marriage partner, and to
do otherwise is to cause your spouse to undergo undo temptation in this world
1.2.1.6.2.3.I think that many times in
the church today that people over-spiritualize marriage not realizing that God
has given us a spouse with the intention that the sexual relationship is to be
for pleasure and to meet real bodily drives
1.2.2. The other thing that
affected Paul’s teachings here in chapter 7, as he attempts to answer the
Church’s questions concerning marriage and divorce, is that Paul believed that
the Lord was going to be returning very soon.
Thus, Paul’s teaching majored on the practicalities of life in view of
Christ’s soon return
1.2.2.1.Christ did not return so
soon as Paul would have guessed, however it appears that Paul’s teaching in
this chapter was helpful in light of the persecution that began in the church
several years after this
2.
VS 7:1 - “Now
concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch
a woman.”
- Paul tells the Corinthians that it is
good for a man not to touch a woman
2.1.
The
Corinthians had written a letter to Paul in which they asked him many
questions. In this next section of
scripture, Paul is going to answer the questions which they had raised
concerning marriage and remarriage.
2.2.
Evidently,
the Corinthians had asked Paul whether or not it was OK for a person to live a
celibate lifestyle” Was it also OK if a
person lived celibate and yet had a spouse?
2.2.1. To this, Paul responds in this
verse that, ‘It is good for a man not to touch a woman’. ‘Touch’ here implies marriage and the sexual
act of marriage.
2.3.
Matthew
records in Matt. 19:3-14 that one day Jesus was asked whether or not it
was lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason, and in His response
concerning the legality of divorce in God’s eyes, Jesus taught that there were
some who in this life were called to be and some who had chosen to be celibate
for life, “3 Some Pharisees
came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce
his wife for any and every reason?"
4 "Haven't you
read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator `made them male
and female,' 5 and said, `For this
reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and
the two will become one flesh'? 6 So
they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let
man not separate." 7 "Why then," they asked,
"did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and
send her away?" 8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you
to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way
from the beginning. 9 I tell you that
anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries
another woman commits adultery." 10 The disciples said to him, "If this
is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to
marry." 11 Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but
only those to whom it has been given. 12 For
some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by
men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The
one who can accept this should accept it." 13 Then little children
were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But
the disciples rebuked those who brought them.
14 Jesus said, "Let the
little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven
belongs to such as these." 15 When
he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there”.
2.4.
If
a man or a woman feels that God has given them the gift of celibacy, and
therefore it is God’s will for them not to marry, then they should follow the
Lord and serve Him as a single person.
Paul says that if this is our calling it is a ‘good’ thing. Living
as a single person for the Lord allows a person to have “single-minded
devotion” to the Lord, with few distractions or limitations as to what one can
do. Therefore, a single person’s
calling is a good thing since many distractions are removed therein.
2.4.1. However, each person should
first be sure that he or she has been given that gift because there are many
dangerous temptations to immorality to which a single person is exposed. Paul says later in this chapter that, ‘It is
better to marry than to burn’, with passion not having that gift of celibacy.
2.4.2. I don’t mean to pick on
Catholics in saying this, but I believe that it should be obvious that the
reason that there have been so many Catholic priests who have become pedophiles
is because the church forbids them to marry, and celibacy is a very unnatural
thing for most men and women woman to practice.
2.4.2.1.1 Timothy 4:3 tells us that
one of the signs of the end times is that in the apostasy of religion that is
going to occur is that the religions will forbid marriage.
3.
VS 7:2 - “But because of immoralities, let each
man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.” - Paul
tells the Corinthians that in order to prevent immoralities, let each single
man or woman marry
3.1.
The
normal physical drives that God placed in men and women promote marriage, for
the desire for sex is one of the natural drives that men and women have, along
with air, thirst, hunger, etc.
3.2.
There
is tremendous pressure for most people for sexual temptation, and thus Paul
says that because of the temptations which are great to commit ‘immorality’,
most people will and should marry.
3.3.
If
you are a single Christian and believe that you do not have the gift of
celibacy, then you should be praying that the Lord in His timing will bring the
husband or wife into your life which the Lord desires.
3.4.
It
is also a good thing to marry, that is,
if we are being led of the Lord to marry, and also if, and only if, the
person we are seeking to marry is a believer (vs. 7:39).
3.4.1. Proverbs 18:22 says that it is a good thing
to find a wife, “22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains
favor from the Lord.”
4.
VS 7:3-4 - “Let the husband fulfill this duty to his
wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the
husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have
authority over his own body, but the wife does.” - Paul
tells the Corinthians that they should fulfill their spouse’s needs for
intimacy
4.1.
If
a man and a woman are married, then there are responsibilities for both parties
to give one another the attention and sexual satisfaction for which God created
marriage. This is a command of God to
fulfill the duty of sexually satisfying a spouse.
4.2.
Paul
says here that the husband or wife should gratify their spouse’s needs and not
think only of their own desires.
4.3.
Many
married people today complain that their spouse is not meeting their needs,
however if they are Christians their needs are not to be met by people, but by
the Lord. Then, having their own needs
met by Christ they are to think of others how that they might bless them and
meet their needs.
4.4.
A
Christian man or woman must learn to have their own needs met by Christ, and
then think of how they themselves can meet the needs of their spouse.
4.4.1. There is a tremendous
blessing in any marriage where each person simply trys to fulfill the needs and
desires of their spouse instead of thinking only of their own needs and how
they are being fulfilled. I believe that
Paul is attempting to get the Corinthians to realize this.
5.
VS 7:5 - “7:5
Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you may
devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt you
because of your lack of self-control.”
- Paul tells the Corinthians not to
deprive their spouse’s needs for intimacy
5.1.
Paul
says that a husband or a wife should not deprive their spouse of regular sexual
satisfaction except that both parties agree that for a brief period of time
they will devote themselves to the Lord’s service in prayer. After this, they should resume sexual
relations so that they or their spouse is not subjected to too great of
temptations in the flesh.
5.2.
If
we are married, and even if our spouse is not a believer, then our
responsibility is to meet our spouse’s sexual needs on a regular basis as best
as we can.
6.
VS 7:6-7 - “But this I say by way of concession, not
of command. Yet I wish that all men
were even as I myself am. However, each
man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.” - Paul
tells the Corinthians that each person has his own gifts, and not all have been
given the gift of celibacy
6.1.
In
these verses Paul tells the Corinthians that he does not have a direct word
from the Lord concerning this next thing that he is going to say, however
speaking as an apostle he wishes that all people had the gift of celibacy as he
had and therefore did not marry. He
thought that it would be better for people if they did not marry, than if they
did marry. This is not because a person
is holier if they do not marry, as some churches teach, or that a person is
holier if they do marry, as some other churches teach. Each state is good if a person is following
the Lord and doing what God has called them to do.
6.1.1. Paul’s belief that Christ
would return very soon affected his saying this I believe.
6.2.
Paul
repeats in verse 7 that all people do not have the gift of celibacy, and this
gift is needed in order to live a life of celibacy for the Lord.
6.3.
Paul
had the gift of celibacy when writing to the Corinthians even though it is
probable that at one time he had a wife since he was a rabbi and also on the
Sanhedrin. Typically, being a rabbi or
being on the Sanhedrin required that a man be married.
6.3.1. We know from the incident in
Acts where Paul voted for Steven’s death that he was a member of the Sanhedrin.
7.
VS 7:8-9 - “But I say to the unmarried and to widows
that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn.” - Paul
tells those who are unmarried and widows that it is OK for them marry
7.1.
In
these verses Paul gives instructions to two groups of persons, and one is a
subset of the other: those who are
currently not married, and those who are unmarried because they are widows. To both of these groups, Paul teaches that
if they have the gift and calling of celibacy it is a good thing for them if
they remain unmarried.
7.1.1. However, Paul tells them
that if they have a problem with self-control in the flesh because they do not
have the gift of celibacy, then it would be better for them to marry a person
chosen by God for them, than to continually struggle (to burn) with the desires
of the flesh in that area.
7.2.
If
you are single and do not have the gift of celibacy, then you ought to try and
concentrate on being the person that the Lord wants you to be rather than being
obsessed by trying to find the person that the Lord has for you to find. If you are where the Lord wants you to be
and have learned the lessons that the Lord wants you to learn, then you can be
sure that the Lord will bring the person He wants for you to marry into your
life.
7.2.1. However, if you haven’t
learned the lessons that the Lord wants for you to learn, then it would not be
wise for Him to bring the person into your life that He wants for you to marry.
8.
VS 7:10-11 - “But to the married I give instructions,
not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she
does leave, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband),
and that the husband should not send his wife away.”
- Paul tells believers that if they
leave their spouse they ought to remain unmarried or reconcile
8.1.
Jesus
taught that when the Lord created man and woman that it was not His will that
they for any reason ever be separated.
Rather, marriage was for life, and the marriage bond such that forever
the two persons would become “one flesh”.
This teaching of Jesus’ Paul is referring to in this chapter. Divorce is something that the Lord would
rather never occur in people’s lives.
However, the Lord knows it will occur, and He has even made provision
for it.
8.1.1. In the scripture there are
two Biblically acceptable reasons for a person to divorce his or her spouse:
8.1.1.1.I quoted the Lord’s words
from Matt. 19:3-14 in my commentary on verse 7:1, and in that verse Jesus gives
one of the two acceptable reasons in which a person may divorce his or her
spouse, namely because of ‘fornication’.
If your spouse is unfaithful, then you have permission from the Lord to
divorce.
8.1.1.2.Paul gives the other
acceptable reason for divorcing one’s spouse in verse 7:15, which is if an
unbelieving spouse chooses to leave, then the believing spouse should let him
or her leave.
8.1.2. If a person divorces a
spouse because of either of the two Biblically acceptable reasons for divorce,
then the person is free to marry again, since a scriptural reason for divorce
causes the person to no longer be bound in that marriage (7:15).
8.1.3. In these verses, Paul says
that if a believer has separated or divorced a spouse for a reason other than
one of the two scriptural reasons for divorce, then the believing spouse is not
free to remarry, but rather should remain unmarried or seek to reconcile with
their spouse. To do anything else is to
commit sin.
8.2.
The
Old Testament prophet, Malachi, writes in Mal. 2:16 that the Lord hates
divorce,”16 "I hate divorce,"
says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with
violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty”.
8.2.1. We Christians who are
married need to realize that in most circumstances, it will be better all
around for us if we stay married to the person to whom we have married. If our marriage is lacking or in trouble,
then we ought not to dwell upon how our spouse is not meeting our needs, but
rather get Biblical counsel as to what we need to change in our life in order
to be a better husband or wife.
8.2.1.1.In marital trouble, each
person thinks that the problems in their marriage are the fault of the other
person. Likewise, virtually every
person is dwelling entirely upon what is lacking in their spouse’s responsibilities.
8.2.1.2.In almost every situation,
both people are guilty when a marriage is in trouble, and as long as a person
is dwelling upon what things their spouse ought to change in order to better
meet their needs, then they will continue to have worsening marital trouble.
8.2.1.2.1.By the way, if you find
yourself giving someone council concerning their marriage, you need to realize
that the person in almost all cases does not need for you to talk with them
about what things their spouse ought to change in order for the marriage to get
better. Rather, what they need you to
concentrate upon is telling them the things that they need to work on regarding
their responsibility in the marriage.
Telling them how their spouse ought to change can only cause more
difficulties in their marriage.
8.3.
Likewise,
we who counsel people who are married need to realize that we should only
counsel those of our own sex so that we shall not be overly tempted to
impurity.
8.4.
If
we are married and our spouse is found to have committed fornication, and our
spouse repents, then though (from Matt. 19) we have God’s permission to divorce
them, I believe that it will be best if we instead follow Jesus’ command and
forgive them, for Jesus said we are to forgive in Luke 17:4, “3 So watch yourselves. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and
if he repents, forgive him. 4 If he
sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and
says, `I repent,' forgive him"”.
8.4.1. In Matt. 18:20-21, Jesus
said we were to forgive our brother seventy times seven times.
8.4.2. In Matt. 18:23-35,
Jesus told a parable about an unfortunate man who could not find it in his
heart to forgive others even though he had been forgiven a great sum himself, “"Therefore,
the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his
servants. 24 As he began the
settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master
ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to
repay the debt. 26 "The servant fell on his knees before him. `Be patient
with me,' he begged, `and I will pay back everything.' 27 The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and
let him go. 28 "But when that servant went out, he found one of his
fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to
choke him. `Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded. 29 "His fellow
servant fell to his knees and begged him, `Be patient with me, and I will pay
you back.' 30 "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man
thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were
greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had
happened. 32 "Then the master called the servant in. `You wicked
servant,' he said, `I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to.
33 Shouldn't you have had mercy on
your fellow servant just as I had on you?' 34
In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until
he should pay back all he owed. 35 "This is how my heavenly Father
will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart"”.
8.4.2.1.Each of us as Christians
have been forgiven a huge number of transgressions of God’s law, and therefore
we ought to be able to forgive others who owe us much less of a debt of sin.
8.4.3. Though we have the right to
divorce our spouse after one incident of immorality, we will miss a great
blessing and growth in our life if we choose not to forgive our spouse and work
out our marriage.
8.5.
In
the Old Testament (Jer. 3:1-11 for instance) it is also taught that if a man or
woman divorces and then remarries, that person is not to divorce in order to
marry again his or her former spouse.
Even though that would be making it right to the first spouse it would
be committing another wrong in divorcing the current spouse in order to do it.
8.6.
Each
marital situation is somewhat unique and each person is responsible to the Lord
to do what the Lord reveals to them to do in the situation. It is destructive to come up with a big list
of ‘what to do ifs’, and have a predetermined response for each couple and each
situation. We cannot turn away from
what the scripture says, yet at the same time we must be faithful to let the
Holy Spirit reveal not only the letter of the law but the spirit by which it is
to be followed as He applies it to each and every situation in our lives.
8.7.
God
will forgive all sin except the sin of rejecting the Lord as our Savior,
however if we sin against His laws concerning marriage and divorce we shall
suffer greatly for our sins, and even though the Lord forgives us whenever we
repent, we shall suffer great consequences for our sins. There is nothing more painful than what
those feel who commit adultery and/or divorce their spouse.
8.8.
The
ones who suffer the most in a divorce are the children in the marriage (if the
exist) however. The biggest cause of
crime in our country is not drugs or gangs or anything else, it is the
breakdown of the family. At least 57%
of prison inmates grew up in single family homes.
8.8.1. Larry Taylor writes, “Recent
studies indicate that divorce is devastating for a child. One third of all the children from divorced
families show moderate or severe depression five years later, and as adults
most are reluctant to trust in love, marriage, and family. Over one third of children of divorced parents
have virtually no ambition 10 years after the divorce. Psychologist Judith Wallerstein states,
“Divorce is not just an episode in a child’s life. It’s like a natural disaster that really changes the whole trajectory
of a child’s life””.
9.
VS 7:12-16 - “7:12
But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who
is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, let him not send her
away. And a woman who has an
unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, let her not send her
husband away. For the unbelieving husband
is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through
her believing husband; for otherwise
your children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under
bondage in such cases, but God has
called us to peace. For how do you
know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?” - Paul
tells the Corinthians that if they have an unbelieving spouse who is agreeable
with living with them then they should not divorce them
9.1.
The
Corinthians had probably asked Paul if a person who became a Christian while
married to a non-believer should divorce his or her spouse in order to marry a
Christian?
9.2.
Paul
says that this next section is not taken from a direct quote from the Lord, but
rather Paul the apostle is filled and inspired by the Holy Spirit and reveals
it. That is, if a believer has married
an unbeliever, then he or she should stay with that spouse as long as that
spouse has consented to live in peace with them.
9.3.
Paul
says that if the unbelieving spouse chooses to leave the marriage and divorce,
then the believer should allow the divorce, and then the person would no longer
be bound in the marriage and would therefore be free to marry, that is, if the
Lord leads a believer into their life for that person.
9.4.
Paul
says that there are two reasons why it is OK to stick in a marriage to an
unbeliever.
9.4.1. First of all, the person
might become a Christian as a result of living with a believing spouse.
9.4.2. Secondly, if either person
is a believer in a marriage, then the Lord has sanctified the marriage as well
as all of the children which that couple shall have. This does not mean that the children will automatically be saved,
rather it means that no detriment or defilement will occur to the children if
they live in a home in which a believer is married to an unbeliever.
9.5.
We
Christians should never marry an unbeliever.
However, if we are already married to an unbeliever, then we should stay
in the marriage and try as best as we can to be the best husband or wife and to
fulfill all of our responsibilities to our spouse.
9.6.
If
an unbelieving husband or wife chooses to leave us, then we are under
constraint by the Lord to let them leave and divorce us. Trying to hold on to the unbelieving spouse
who wants to depart will not accomplish anything for the marriage or the
salvation of the one departing.
9.7.
God
does not expect a Christian to remain living with a spouse who is physically
abusive of them or their children, or who is a drug dealer, or a wanted
criminal, etc. A person has to act so
as to protect themselves and their children in those type of situations.